


Save Your Love

by kyuninthesky



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A little jealousy, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Wonkyun, idk what else to tag tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuninthesky/pseuds/kyuninthesky
Summary: “You like Changkyun, don’t you?” Kihyun asks carefully.Hoseok’s eyes widen. He turns to Minhyuk, visibly flustered.“I didn’t tell him—Look, you’re making it obvious yourself, Hoseok.”Hoseok rubs his hands on his face and presses his palms onto his eyes. He groans.“I don’t… like Changkyun. I can’t. I shouldn’t.”Kihyun scoots closer to him on the bed and Minhyuk touches his knee.“I don’t like Changkyun.” Hoseok says, trying to convince everyone in the room including himself.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	Save Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> (So they're all college students but their ages don't really matter in this story. The younger members still call their hyungs "hyung" though!)
> 
> Enjoy reading!

“Changkyun’s cute, isn’t he?”

Hoseok turns to Hyungwon. He must have caught him staring at the youngest.

Hoseok blushes. “I guess…”

Changkyun turns to them, unaware that he’s the subject of their conversation. He smiles anyway.

Changkyun has a smile that could light up the whole world. It’s a smile that awakens the butterflies in Hoseok’s stomach.

Feeling like he’s making it too obvious, Hoseok shifts his gaze to the cracks in the ground.

“I think I’m gonna confess.”

Hoseok looks up. Those words did not come out from his mouth.

Hyungwon looks down at Hoseok with a sheepish smile.

The wind blows and Hoseok feels uneasy.

“What do you mean?” Hoseok asks.

Hyungwon finally sits down next to Hoseok. Hyungwon whose legs are longer than Hoseok’s and his feet pointing towards Changkyun’s direction.

Hoseok wishes he had longer legs.

“I’m gonna tell Kyunnie that I like him.” Hyungwon answers coolly.

Hoseok looks at Hyungwon in the eye.

Hyungwon looks at him back.

Hoseok realises that Hyungwon was not joking.

The air becomes colder and the sun sets behind Changkyun’s shoulders.

Shownu claps his hands and their friendly basketball game is over.

Changkyun and Shownu walk towards them.

The youngest finds it convenient to squish himself between Hoseok and Hyungwon. They don’t mind anyway.

Hyungwon hands him a water bottle.

Changkyun mutters a thanks.

Changkyun turns to Hoseok as he tilts his chin upwards, touches the rim of the bottle to his lips and drinks the water. He gulps a couple of times as he maintains steady eye contact with Hoseok.

The wind may have stopped blowing. Hoseok feels hot. He blinks and looks away.

He thinks about what Hyungwon had just said. He repeats the younger’s words a couple of times in his head hoping that he had heard wrong.

He listens to Hyungwon’s light-hearted laugh as he talks to Shownu about their game.

Hyungwon is one of his closest friends.

Changkyun gets up and walks away to go to the changing room.

Hoseok listens to his steps as he walks away.

Hyungwon scoots closer to Hoseok and wraps his arm around his shoulders.

“So, how about it?”

Hoseok takes in every word carefully. He turns to Hyungwon and gives him his most genuine smile.

“Why not?”

* * *

The sandwich Hoseok bought at the convenience store tastes bad. Kihyun shares his fries with him.

“You seem out of it lately. What are you thinking about?”

“N-nothing. Probably just pre-tired for finals.” Hoseok laughs pathetically.

Kihyun eyes him suspiciously. “Pre-tired. Right.”

Hoseok thinks about the money he just wasted on the sandwich in front of him. He stares at it as if it could give him his money back.

“Oh, Hyungwon and Changkyun are here.”

Hoseok doesn’t bother to turn and look at them. He tries really hard not to.

Changkyun’s voice usually resonates with the invisible strings on Hoseok’s body that control him like a puppet. How it’s always been so natural for Hoseok to turn to Changkyun and give him all of his attention…

This time, it’s different. Not when Hyungwon’s words from last week are still bothering him.

“Are you gonna finish that?” Changkyun asks as he tries to take Hoseok’s sandwich.

“It tastes weird.” Hoseok says too quickly as he stops Changkyun’s hand.

His hand is on top of the younger’s smaller hand.

Changkyun does not retreat his hand.

Hoseok shouldn’t be so fazed by their hands touching. He pulls away immediately and slides the sandwich away from the younger.

“Bought it at the convenience store this morning. I was very early. It’s probably from yesterday. Or maybe days ago.”

Changkyun’s hand had felt soft under his touch.

“Yikes. Changkyun and I are gonna grab lunch at our usual pizza place. Wanna join?” Hyungwon offers.

Changkyun eyes Hoseok, anticipating his answer. He blinks cutely through his glasses and it makes Hoseok feel so unworthy of his attention.

“We’re going at 2.30 though, so we have some time to kill.”

Hoseok just shrugs. His social battery has been low these past few days.

Kihyun talks to the two about their classes and Hoseok gives in to silent mode.

As much as he’d like to remain unbothered, he notices how close Hyungwon and Changkyun are sitting, their shoulders bumping as Hyungwon talks merrily.

Changkyun doesn’t seem to mind and this somehow makes Hoseok feel jealous.

He thinks about his conversation with Hyungwon. It’s been a week. Perhaps he has confessed.

That thought has been troubling him. It was in every corner of his room and in between every word that comes out of Hyungwon’s mouth.

What if he confesses too? Hoseok wonders. Would it risk his friendship with Changkyun? And what about Hyungwon?

He’d be a terrible person if he confesses to Changkyun after what Hyungwon had told him. Hyungwon is his friend, Hoseok keeps reminding himself.

Hoseok has been feeling rather awful. It’s a constant battlefield in his head. Sometimes he’s jealous of Hyungwon, sometimes he’s angry at himself and sometimes he’s just afraid that Changkyun would actually accept Hyungwon… and then the cycle repeats.

His heart yearns for Changkyun but it feels like there isn’t much that he can do about it.

Changkyun’s laughter rings in his ears. It’s a sound that he likes to hear.

Hoseok has no idea what their conversation is about anymore.

Changkyun is the one talking now. Hyungwon is looking at Changkyun like he’s the most wonderful thing in the world.

It’s something that Hoseok feels like he can relate to. But he still wishes he was the only one who looks at Changkyun that way.

Changkyun rests his head on Hyungwon’s shoulder as he munches on some fries.

Hoseok notices how Hyungwon freezes and stays in the same position so that Changkyun doesn’t move away.

Hoseok wants to laugh because Hyungwon is obviously flustered.

But maybe he’s just jealous.

The youngest rests his head on Hoseok’s shoulders too sometimes. Changkyun who likes to nuzzle his nose into Hoseok’s neck when no one else is watching.

Hoseok misses that feeling. Perhaps Hyungwon knows the feeling too. Hoseok wishes he doesn’t.

Kihyun’s fries are way too salty.

Hoseok pushes the fry tray to the others. He doesn’t feel like eating anymore.

“Hoseok hyung is awfully quiet today.”

Hoseok looks at Changkyun. He would love to look at Changkyun all day.

“Am I?” He forces a confused look, trying to convince Changkyun that he is his usual self.

Hyungwon looks at Hoseok. Hoseok wants him to look away.

“Well, not exactly... You seem quiet but at the same time, you look like you have a million thoughts running through your head. You’re eating very slowly too. And you haven’t joined in any of our conversations. What’s up?”

The nonchalant look on Changkyun’s face tells Hoseok that he has noticed everything.

Hoseok likes the idea of Changkyun noticing everything about him.

A part of him likes how Hyungwon is here to witness Changkyun worrying about him. But he can’t let himself show it so he just purses his lips.

“Just a little bit tired. That’s all.”

“Don’t worry too much, Kyunnie. He’s fine.” Hyungwon says.

Hoseok finds himself annoyed by Hyungwon’s tone. He doesn’t get why he had to say that. For a moment, he wanted to enjoy Changkyun’s attention.

“You don’t have to join us for lunch if you don’t want to though.” Hyungwon says.

Was that a suggestion?

Hoseok scoffs. Did Hyungwon think he was going to ruin his time with Changkyun?

“But won’t you be hungry later, hyung?” Changkyun points to Hoseok with a fry.

There it is again; Changkyun’s attention. Hoseok wants to wallow in it so badly.

“I-I don’t know. We’ll see.” Hoseok gives Changkyun a small smile.

He doesn’t know for sure but he feels Hyungwon’s stare at him. It’s piercing. He doesn’t dare to confirm it.

“Well, it’s all up to you, hyung.” Hyungwon says monotonously.

Hoseok just hums at that.

Is he actually supposed to leave the two alone? Is that what Hyungwon wants?

Hoseok rests his elbows on the table and bites his nails. Something about this situation makes him feel annoyed. He hates how he feels weak every time Changkyun pays attention to him and he hates how Hyungwon always tries to divert the attention somewhere else.

What if he had told Hyungwon first that he likes Changkyun? Would Hyungwon be the one backing off right now?

Hyungwon leans back in his seat and places an arm behind Changkyun.

Hoseok watches how easily Changkyun leans into Hyungwon like he’s his favourite pillow.

Their conversation continues and once again, Hoseok feels left out.

If Hyungwon and Changkyun are together, is this what it’s going to be like?

It feels like someone is stabbing his heart a number of times. The wound never healing.

Hoseok feels sick.

He tries looking at Changkyun… but looking at Changkyun means looking at him sitting so close to Hyungwon. He feels uneasy.

All of a sudden, his vision blurs and he can’t hear anything except for his own heartbeat. Changkyun and Hyungwon look like they’re gravitating away from him… or rather, he’s being sucked into another dimension. A dimension full of his conflicted emotions. He wants to reach his hand out to them, he wants to hold Changkyun’s hand again but his own feel too heavy…

God, why did he have to fall in love with his own friend? What were the chances that one of his closest friends happen to like the same person? He has to stop liking Changkyun. Changkyun probably likes Hyungwon. Hoseok doubts he could be as significant as Hyungwon.

Hoseok shakes his head. He doesn’t feel well and he needs to get out of here.

His backpack is right beside him.

Changkyun is there. Sweet and loveable Changkyun, by Hyungwon’s side.

Hoseok wants Changkyun to be by his side too.

However, it’s too suffocating here right now.

He grabs his backpack and gives a lame excuse as he escapes the stares from his friends.

The cafeteria was sunlit.

Changkyun finally lifted his head off Hyungwon’s shoulder.

Hyungwon was about to call after Hoseok.

The tears on Hoseok’s cheeks are hot.

Hoseok tries to walk as calm as possible but he thinks he feels his friends shoot daggers into his back so he runs out of the cafeteria.

He doesn’t stop crying.

The more he wipes his tears with the back of his hand the more pathetic he feels. He doesn’t even know when he started crying.

Once he reaches a spot where there aren’t many people, his knees immediately buckle and he falls onto the ground. He inhales and exhales shakily.

“Hoseok hyung?”

Hoseok doesn’t want to turn around.

Minhyuk appears. His hands are holding the older’s shoulders. Minhyuk’s hands are shaking.

No, Hoseok is shaking.

“Hey, what is it? Are you okay?”

Hoseok shakes his head.

“What happened?”

Hoseok shakes his head again. He’s not sure what to tell Minhyuk.

He shuts his eyes tightly and wishes that this was just a dream. He wishes that he hadn’t been so envious looking at Hyungwon and Changkyun together. He wishes that Changkyun hadn’t given him any attention at all. He wishes that the pain he’s feeling isn’t real.

But when Minhyuk pulls him into an embrace, he’s convinced that the pain is indeed real.

Hoseok sobs into Minhyuk’s chest.

* * *

A completely new month has begun after finals were over. Hoseok’s glad he doesn’t have to face his coffee-stained textbooks and notes anymore. Finals week had been too exhausting. The only thing that Hoseok did well in was avoiding Hyungwon and Changkyun.

He misses both of them but he couldn’t bear the sight of the two of them together. He always ends up hating himself because he’d start to antagonise Hyungwon again.

Hyungwon is his friend. He shouldn’t be unhappy because of him.

Minhyuk wasn’t the best revision partner for him. He appreciates the fact that Minhyuk now knows his secret though. It took a lot of courage to tell Minhyuk what happened after he found him crying in the middle of their university, but at the end of the day, he realised that he really needed to get it off his chest. It had felt somewhat liberating.

If he told Changkyun about his feelings, would it feel that way too? He wonders.

“Are you excited for the trip, hyung?” Jooheon asks.

“You bet I am.” Hoseok smiles.

All of them finally gathers, hands in their vacation shorts and sunglasses in their breast pockets.

“Hyung, it feels like I haven’t seen you for weeks.”

Another thing that Hoseok misses over the past few weeks is Changkyun’s attention.

“Studied my ass off for finals.” Hoseok shrugs, trying his best to act normal around Changkyun.

Minhyuk scoffs, unimpressed.

The ride to their vacation house was boring. Kihyun’s music playlists made it more bearable though. Hyungwon was asleep most of the time. And Hoseok swears every time he looks into the rear-view mirror he sees Changkyun staring at him before the latter would look away. But maybe it was the sunlight playing games with him.

Shownu appears in the living room after inspecting all of the bedrooms.

“Three rooms. One with a king-sized bed. Two with a pair of twin beds.”

“And one couch.” Minhyuk says mischievously.

The others laugh. Someone has to sleep on the couch. They decide with rock-paper-scissors.

Jooheon manages to pair up with Hyungwon and Minhyuk with Kihyun. Shownu, Changkyun and Hoseok now have to decide among themselves.

Hoseok shows a rock. Shownu and Changkyun both show papers. Hoseok wishes Changkyun had shown a rock instead.

Alone on the couch it is.

“Can’t you at least hide your disappointment when you couldn’t room with Changkyun?” Minhyuk teases him later.

Hoseok hushes him.

“I wasn’t disappointed.”

Minhyuk smirks.

Hyungwon walks into the living room holding a box of fireworks.

“Guess what? I brought fireworks.” He smiles proudly.

“Oh, cool!” Minhyuk chirps.

“Been a while since I played with one of these.” Kihyun says as he looks through the box, fascinated by the variety of fireworks that Hyungwon bought.

Hoseok approaches them and looks through the box too. It’s such a nice feeling to see his friends so excited. He looks at Hyungwon.

Hyungwon is always such a delight to have around. A part of Hoseok feels guilty that he had almost despised Hyungwon just because he likes Changkyun too.

Hyungwon notices some of Hoseok’s stuff on the couch.

“Oh, so you’re the lucky person who has to sleep on the couch.” Hyungwon jokes.

“Lucky, my ass.” Hoseok chuckles as he picks up his blanket and drapes it around his body.

The slightly cold weather comforts him and he feels at home with his group of friends. Having such nice friends makes him feel so blessed. Life is good. Hoseok finally lets himself relax.

The rest of their friends finally join them from the kitchen.

Changkyun’s pajama shorts have wet handprints on them. He must have done the dishes. Hoseok tries to not notice these things, but he does anyway.

Minhyuk and Hyungwon excitedly carry the box of fireworks to their yard. Their other friends are quick to follow.

“I don’t really like loud sounds. I’m just gonna stay here and watch from afar.” Hoseok says as he stands at the patio with his blanket still around him.

“Whatever floats your boat.” Kihyun says.

Changkyun looks at him for a second before he turns on his heels to join the others who are already setting up the fireworks.

Hoseok likes to look at fireworks. They indicate that there’s something to celebrate. Something to be happy about. But the noises can be too loud for him.

The first one was set off. Then the second one followed by the third one. Seconds after, the sky is decorated with vibrant explosions that are reflected in Hoseok’s eyes.

Some of them burst into splatters of pink and violet. Some are orange and yellow. Some of them float in the sky like glittering silver showers.

From the patio, Hoseok could hear his friends’ hilarious reactions. Jooheon is constantly swearing because of the loud sounds. Minhyuk keeps on howling and no one knows why. Changkyun is laughing at them.

Hoseok would love to look at Changkyun right now.

The fiery sparks in the sky begin to die down.

Changkyun walks back to the house to join Hoseok at the patio. Away from their friends’ eyes.

“Do the fireworks look pretty from here?” Changkyun stands beside Hoseok.

“Yeah, very pretty.” Hoseok gazes at Changkyun like those words were actually meant for him.

The weather is still cold.

Hoseok notices Changkyun shivering beside him.

Changkyun tugs on one end of Hoseok’s blanket.

Hoseok looks into Changkyun’s eyes.

His eyes are watery, probably because of the cold night. Hoseok wishes he could swim in his dark brown orbs.

“Come here.” Hoseok says softly as he engulfs Changkyun in a hug.

Changkyun shouldn’t be tilting his chin upwards to look at the older but he does.

They’re too close to each other right now, their hearts beating to the rhythm of the last few fireworks.

Hoseok’s mouth hangs open like he wants to say something but he doesn’t know what, too distracted by Changkyun’s breaths that fan his lips.

After a good few seconds, Changkyun finally turns around in Hoseok’s hold so that the latter is giving him a back hug.

At least this isn’t as flustering. Hoseok thinks.

Hoseok gives him a friendly squeeze. He can feel Changkyun smiling so he smiles too.

For once, he wants to feel like he has Changkyun all to himself. He wants to be selfish for once.

Hoseok brushes the tip of his nose behind Changkyun’s right ear. He feels so intoxicated by Changkyun’s scent, he wishes it would stay on him for the rest of the night.

He places his hand on top of Changkyun’s colder hand and rubs it in soothing motions. Noticing how much he yearns for more contact, he fights that urge by closing his eyes and focusing on relishing this moment only.

Changkyun’s body relaxes in Hoseok’s arms.

“This feels good…” Changkyun says out of the blue.

Hoseok opens his eyes. “Y-yeah?”

“Mhmm. You’re so warm, hyung.”

That was music to Hoseok’s ears.

This gives Hoseok the guts that he never knew he had. He buries his nose into the junction between the younger’s neck and shoulder and slowly presses his lips onto it. Subtle and innocent.

Maybe it’s because it’s dark and no one could see them. Maybe it’s because Hoseok has been dreaming of this moment. Maybe it’s because a part of Hoseok feels like this is what Changkyun wants too.

Changkyun holds his breath for a second and slowly exhales. He could turn around if he wants to but he doesn’t.

The velvet night sky that is watching them is the only thing that’s holding them back from doing more.

“I wanna stay like this forever...” Changkyun’s voice is small but Hoseok could still hear it.

Hoseok’s eyebrows furrow.

Did he mean the vacation? Did he mean their friends together? Did he mean the two of them right now?

Before Hoseok could ask, the last firework explodes into the sky.

Hoseok loosens his hold around Changkyun.

Hyungwon emerges from their group of friends.

The spot where their friends had set off the fireworks is still clouded with smoke. Even at the house it’s starting to feel suffocating.

Hyungwon’s footsteps leave prints on the grass and then the patio.

Hoseok needs to let go of Changkyun but he doesn’t.

Changkyun needs to get out of Hoseok’s embrace but he doesn’t too.

Hyungwon makes eye contact with Hoseok as he passes the two of them and walks into the house without saying a word.

Hoseok couldn’t read his expression.

Hoseok hates himself.

He knows that he should’ve let go.

Having Changkyun in his arms felt good. Too good.

He shouldn’t have enjoyed it knowing that Hyungwon likes Changkyun.

* * *

The next day Hoseok uses every nerve in his body to not think about Changkyun’s scent, Changkyun’s voice, Changkyun’s moles and Changkyun’s body against his. It’s like guilt is circulating in his blood again.

He keeps himself busy by going for a jog alone. He’s not familiar with the town and this helps him to take his mind off things.

By the time he goes back to their house, the birds are already chirping and the flowers are in all their glory. Hoseok feels refreshed and he sets his mind on doing only one thing for the rest of the vacation.

Not think about Changkyun.

Hoseok changes his mind on joining Changkyun and Jooheon go to a famous eel restaurant and instead joins Shownu and Kihyun at a nearby sushi restaurant.

He sits on the floor when they are watching a movie together because he sees Changkyun sitting on the couch with his blanket clutched in his adorable sweater paws.

He clings to Minhyuk when they are at the aquarium although he had promised Changkyun the week before that he’d buy him silly souvenirs there.

He volunteers to help Hyungwon and Kihyun with dinner preparation because he knows Changkyun will be on dishwashing duty later.

If he could major in avoiding Changkyun, he would be a first class graduate.

On the last night, he sees Changkyun and Hyungwon sitting side by side on the patio.

The twinkling stars seem to have resided in Hyungwon’s eyes.

Changkyun’s hand is on Hyungwon’s knee.

Their conversation isn’t audible from the living room but Hoseok knows so much just by looking at the smiles on their faces.

It’s suddenly hard for him to breathe. He goes to Minhyuk and Kihyun’s room.

“What brings you to our crib?” Minhyuk asks.

“… I’m not so sure myself actually.” Hoseok scratches his head.

“Where’s Changkyun?” Kihyun asks.

“W-why would you ask me?”

Kihyun shrugs.

“He’s outside… with Hyungwon.”

Minhyuk glances at Hoseok.

Hoseok studies the floor and tries to recall what the grey colour of the carpet reminds him of.

“Are they talking?”

It reminds him of the hoodie that Changkyun wore this morning.

“I guess…”

Minhyuk purses his lips. Kihyun looks at the two of them.

“You like Changkyun, don’t you?” Kihyun asks carefully.

Hoseok’s eyes widen. He turns to Minhyuk, visibly flustered.

“I didn’t tell him—Look, you’re making it obvious yourself, Hoseok.”

Hoseok rubs his hands on his face and presses his palms onto his eyes. He groans.

“I don’t… like Changkyun. I can’t. I shouldn’t.”

Kihyun scoots closer to him on the bed and Minhyuk touches his knee.

“I don’t like Changkyun.” Hoseok says, trying to convince everyone in the room including himself.

He couldn’t have been making it obvious, he thinks. Does that mean Changkyun has noticed it too? What if he’s been making the younger uncomfortable?

Hyungwon probably hates him. How dare he like Changkyun when Hyungwon has told him about his feelings for the youngest first?

Would his other friends hate him too?

He’s pathetic, he thinks. He feels like crying. He can’t even look at Kihyun and Minhyuk.

“It’s okay—”

“No. I can’t. I’ll hurt him. I’ll hurt Hyungwon too.”

“Wait, does Hyungwon like Changkyun?” Kihyun asks.

Minhyuk bites his lips and nods hesitantly.

It’s bad enough that Hoseok doesn’t know how to keep his feelings to himself, now he can’t keep his mouth shut.

Kihyun squeezes Hoseok’s shoulder. The older doesn’t seem like he’s going to calm down any time soon.

Minhyuk’s heart hurts looking at his friend like this.

“Listen… It can’t be helped that you like Changkyun, okay? We don’t really get to choose the person that we fall in love with. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it and pretend like he doesn’t exist. That will hurt him even more.”

“Yeah, and I get that Hyungwon likes him too but… What does Changkyun think of all of this?”

Hoseok stops digging his nails into his thighs.

“I’m not taking any sides okay but if you two are gonna confess to Changkyun then… just do it. Changkyun’s an adult. He’ll know how to handle things and make decisions. He’ll do what’s right, I’m sure of that.”

Hoseok looks at Kihyun and then Minhyuk. He knows that they’re right.

They both give him a reassuring smile. Hoseok couldn’t be more grateful to have friends like them.

What they said really made him think. He feels like he has been nothing but a coward. What’s worse is that he never really thought about how Changkyun would react.

He gets out of the room once he hears two bedroom doors closing.

It’s already 11 p.m. and the lights in the living room and the kitchen have been turned off.

He rolls himself onto the couch and tangles his legs with his blanket.

He lets out a sigh and realises how tired he is. Physically and emotionally.

The ceiling isn’t the most entertaining thing to look at now so he adjusts the pillow under his head and closes his eyes.

He misses Changkyun. He hates to admit it but he does.

He thought that he’d pat himself on the back after successfully avoiding him for the past few days but it only made him miss him more.

Minutes passed and he’s starting to feel drowsy. He’s planning to sleep everything off until the sun greets him through the curtains.

A bedroom door creaks open.

Careful footsteps approach the living room where Hoseok is lying down.

Hoseok reluctantly gets up and his eyes slowly adjusts to the once familiar darkness.

He expects to see somebody that isn’t Changkyun but it’s him. Of course it’s him.

His body is wrapped up in a blanket just like how he was wrapped in Hoseok’s a few nights ago.

“W-why are you still up?”

Changkyun walks towards the couch and Hoseok’s heart begins to beat really quickly. He feels like it might burst if Changkyun takes any step closer.

“Couldn’t fall asleep. Hyunwoo hyung snores too loud.” The younger pouts.

“Oh…”

“Mind if I sleep on the floor? I won’t disturb you, I promise.”

A part of Hoseok feels anxious and confused. Another part of him is happy to see Changkyun and talk to him.

“Um yeah. I don’t mind.”

How can he resist when Changkyun is in his pajamas, hair all messy and ready with his blanket?

Changkyun looks around the room as if searching for something.

“Oh, I thought there’d be at least an extra pillow…” Changkyun mutters and casually sits on the carpeted floor between the coffee table and the couch.

Changkyun purses his lips. He looks like he’s waiting for Hoseok to say something.

“Join me on the couch, Changkyun.” Hoseok finds those words slip out of his mouth so easily.

If it weren’t for the darkness in the room, Hoseok would’ve seen Changkyun cheeks going bright red.

“N-no, that’s okay... The floor is okay.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Uhuh.”

Hoseok doesn’t feel right letting Changkyun sleep on the floor with no pillow. The younger looks like a lost puppy.

Hoseok steps off from the couch and joins Changkyun on the floor. There’s barely enough room for the two of them but Hoseok doesn’t even hesitate to place his pillow behind Changkyun and try to lie down beside the younger.

Perplexed by Hoseok’s actions, Changkyun blurts out something both of them wish he didn’t.

“Hyungwon hyung confessed to me.”

Hoseok stops in his tracks. He wasn’t prepared for this.

Those words had definitely broken his cool façade.

For a moment Changkyun notices the disappointed look on Hoseok’s face.

Hoseok looks at everything around him except for Changkyun. He knows that he’d cry if his eyes settle on the younger man beside him.

“G-good for him… and you. Goodnight, Changkyun.”

Hoseok makes himself comfortable, lays his head on the pillow and turns away from Changkyun. He doesn’t want to be seen.

The younger follows suit except he doesn’t turn away from the person beside him. He just stares at Hoseok’s back.

“I’ll go back to my room before everyone wakes up tomorrow… Goodnight.”

Hoseok hears him but chooses to say nothing in response.

Once again, he tries to think about everything besides Changkyun.

Changkyun who has his heart. Changkyun whose presence is like oxygen to him. Changkyun who is so precious he yearns to have him in his arms forever. Changkyun whom he swears he’d take a bullet for. Changkyun that Hoseok loves.

Hoseok shuts his eyes tightly and curls up under his blanket, thinking that it’ll get him farther away from Changkyun.

Hoseok begins to tremble and he’s a touch away from bursting into tears.

Hoseok wishes he could somehow disappear underneath his blanket so that he doesn’t have to face his feelings right now.

He wishes Changkyun wasn’t lying beside him right now, his breathing calm and soothing which can be so addicting to Hoseok.

Changkyun is the last thing that he wants to think about.

He pretends as if he’s alone in the living room. He ignores the hard surface of the carpeted floor and pictures himself lying down on the couch alone like he was supposed to. He refuses to acknowledge the weight of someone else’s head laid on his pillow.

Changkyun doesn’t make too much noise when he sleeps so Hoseok is thankful for that. He instead focuses on the ticking of the clock in the living room as if it could hypnotise him into slumberland.

However, Changkyun ceases to be on his mind. And there with him.

Changkyun’s left arm is suddenly wrapped around his body. He freezes.

He feels the younger shift slightly behind him to have their bodies closer. He lets him.

He feels Changkyun bury his face in between his shoulder blades and breathe into his spine.

Changkyun’s left leg finds itself caging Hoseok’s lower half. The weight of it so pleasurable.

Hoseok feels nothing and everything at the same time. Changkyun and his sleeping habits are the death of him.

As much as Hoseok wants to turn around, he knows he’d do things he shouldn’t and he’d end up hurting himself.

Hoseok doesn’t want to wake him up nor does he himself want to wake up tomorrow.

He weeps silently but the moon hears him.

* * *

Changkyun kept his promise. He disappeared beside Hoseok before anyone could walk into them.

Hoseok looks at the empty space beside him that he also feels in his chest. Changkyun even made sure to leave nothing that would indicate that he had spent the night there.

A part of Hoseok is disappointed

“Why are you on the floor?” Shownu asks.

“… I guess I fell.”

Hoseok had overslept so he finds himself in the kitchen having breakfast alone.

Fried rice with omelette and room temperature coffee.

Gravity feels heavier to his eyes today and he could use something to relieve his bloated face.

“Morning, hyung.” Changkyun walks into the kitchen.

Changkyun is the last person that Hoseok wants to be here right now.

“M-morning. Haven’t you had breakfast?”

“No, I just got up too.”

Before Hoseok could ask, Changkyun immediately answers him.

“I woke up at 5 something and went back to my room… and slept again.”

Hoseok nods. He wants to tell Changkyun that he wouldn’t have mind if he just continued to sleep there… by his side. However, he doesn’t have the nerve to say it.

Changkyun grabs a fruit from one of the grocery bags.

Hoseok looks at the food in front of him guiltily.

“I thought I was the last person to have breakfast. My bad. You can finish—”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t feel like eating.” The younger says as he ironically takes a bite of the apple in his hand.

Hoseok creases his forehead at that.

“Not even one bite?” He offers. He might be feeling a little bit overwhelmed by his feelings towards the younger but he would never not offer him food.

Changkyun is in a daze for a moment before he notices that the man across the table is hovering a spoonful of fried rice in his face.

“Oh? Sure.” He takes a bite.

Hoseok’s heart feels warm in his chest seeing the younger eat. What a sight.

The kitchen is quiet again except for the clinking of Hoseok’s spoon with the bowl.

Changkyun looks like he’s bothered by something.

“About last night…”

Hoseok mentally prepares himself to assure Changkyun that he didn’t mind his clinging last night.

“… I think I’m gonna respond to Hyungwon hyung’s confession today.”

Oh.

Hoseok sniffs. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok shrugs.

Hoseok wants to say so many things. Kihyun and Minhyuk’s words echo in his head again. He needs to think about Changkyun. He needs to be honest with Changkyun.

From the kitchen, Hoseok sees Hyungwon’s tall figure in the living room. He’s picking up Hoseok’s blanket from the floor and is folding it nicely before he settles on the couch.

His gaze focuses on the younger man in front of him again.

Changkyun looks unsure of himself. He’s not even looking at Hoseok in the eye. He’s busying himself by digging his nails into the apple in his hand.

Hoseok waits for Changkyun to speak up again but he’s not sure what he wants to hear.

“I wanna be loved, you know?” The younger pouts.

That takes Hoseok by surprise.

Hoseok sets his coffee down.

“We all want to be loved, Changkyun.” Hoseok deadpans.

“Right…” Changkyun laughs pathetically.

Hoseok wishes he wasn’t ending their vacation feeling like this.

“Do you… perhaps have anything to say… to me, hyung?” Changkyun’s voice breaks.

Hoseok looks at the younger man and in his eyes, he sees his own reflection. Someone who wants to be held but is too afraid to say anything.

Hoseok just can’t bring himself to say anything so he just shakes his head and gives Changkyun a smile that he hopes appeared sincere and encouraging.

Changkyun’s lips press together to create a thin line. He looks like he’s about to say something again but he doesn’t. Instead, he just gets up.

The chair drags on the floor and Changkyun walks out of the kitchen.

Hoseok could’ve said something but he doesn’t know what and how. He just knows that his heart hurts in his chest.

Maybe he’s just too much of a coward.

Hoseok finishes his breakfast and the coffee tastes really bitter.

Only half a day left of their trip.

Hoseok pretends to be unaffected by what Changkyun had told him.

He tries to not look at Hyungwon and Changkyun but he still finds himself wondering about what Changkyun might have said to Hyungwon.

He’s convinced that Changkyun had accepted Hyungwon’s confession. After all, that young man wants to be loved and Hyungwon… he can love Changkyun.

Besides, Hyungwon’s a brave person… unlike Hoseok.

Hoseok stays in the back when they walk in a group. He hates to admit that he has certainly been staring at Changkyun and Hyungwon all morning.

He notices how Changkyun still leans to Hyungwon when he laughs. He notices the usual fond look Hyungwon gives to Changkyun whenever the latter talks to him.

They seem neither closer nor awkward and that confuses Hoseok a little bit.

Nevertheless, Hoseok feels empty and lonely. He has come into terms that he’ll definitely be feeling like this more often from now on. That’s the price he has to pay for not stopping Changkyun.

At a gift shop, Changkyun finally approaches Hoseok. It’s just the two of them.

“You know you were supposed to buy me something from the aquarium the other day. You promised me.”

“Ah, that… I forgot… do you want this?”

A scented candle.

Changkyun laughs. “Hyung, come on. Scented candles are boring.”

“No, they’re not…”

Changkyun turns to Hoseok and looks up at him.

The wind chimes above them clink against each other as the wind blows from outside.

“I talked to Hyungwon hyung this morning… after I talked to you.”

Hoseok questions why he needs to be the one to hear this. He sighs.

“Do you like citrus?”

“Not really. I told him about how I feel.”

“Lavender?”

“I already have a lavender scented candle. Remember when I told you that he confessed to me?”

“… I do. Not lavender then.”

“Hyung, can you pay attention to me please.”

“Floral… Lilies?”

“Hyung.”

“Who am I kidding? Scented candles are overrated.”

“That’s what I told you.”

Hoseok feels like he’s suffocating. He rushes to another section in the gift shop, leaving Changkyun behind.

“A wine glass?”

“Yeah, sure. A wine glass.”

“Which design?”

“I don’t care. Anyway, I told Hyungwon hyung that I can’t return his feelings.”

Hoseok puts down the wine glass he’s holding and wipes his cheeks. The backs of his hands are wet.

He feels pathetic. When did he start crying? How could he cry so easily?

Changkyun stands awkwardly on his feet and just stares at the man in front of him.

Hoseok wouldn’t know how to respond too if someone in front of him suddenly starts crying.

“Why would you say that?”

Hoseok steps away from the rack.

“Because I like you, hyung.”

Hoseok lets out a small laugh and another tear slides down his cheek.

“You can’t… you can’t say that.”

“I’m not just saying it, hyung. I mean it.”

“But Hyungwon likes you, Changkyun.”

“Yeah, but I like you.”

“You said you want to be loved. Hyungwon likes you and that means he’ll love you too.”

“And you said everyone wants to be loved. How can I be with Hyungwon just because he loves me when I can’t even love him back the same way?”

“Okay, but what does that have to do with me?”

Hoseok sees the hurt in Changkyun’s face.

“I—I like you, hyung. I’m in love with you. And I think you might be in love with me too.”

As frustrated as he is, Changkyun really needed to get it off his chest.

Hoseok envies how Changkyun can admit his feelings so easily. He had always found it hard to be vulnerable to people.

“… How would you know?”

Changkyun scoffs.

“Because I know you, Hoseok hyung.”

Hoseok looks away.

“You tend to avoid eye contact when someone tries to read you.”

Hoseok looks back at Changkyun.

“You make eye contact to appear confident but you clench your fists because you still feel like you’re being challenged.”

Hoseok hides his fists into his pockets.

“You bite your lips when you’re embarrassed.”

Hoseok stops biting his lips. He feels defeated.

“You’re always looking at me, hyung. How do you not notice that I’ve been looking at you too?”

Changkyun has been looking too?

“… What about Hyungwon?”

Changkyun hesitates.

“I told him that I like you…”

Hoseok shakes his head.

“But it’s okay, because he’s Hyungwon hyung and Hyungwon hyung is the most understanding person in the world and he’s our friend.” Changkyun assures him.

“Well, yeah… but—”

“He admitted that he’s a bit taken aback by my response but he’s not hurt. He’s fine.”

“Really…?”

Changkyun nods.

“… But—”

“Please, Hoseok hyung. Think about me too.”

Hoseok immediately looks at Changkyun. All he thinks about is Changkyun.

“Please…” Changkyun’s hair is slightly dishevelled, his chest heaving and his eyes pleading.

Hoseok nods hesitantly then nods again as he looks at Changkyun in the eye.

Changkyun gathers the courage to smile but he still looks upset.

Hoseok wants to hold him. His doubts had hurt the younger.

“Can you please tell me how you feel about me before I start to think that I’m just putting words into your mouth?”

Hoseok lets out a pathetic laugh.

“N-no, you haven’t been putting words into my mouth.”

Changkyun stares into Hoseok’s eyes, hopeful.

“I like you, Changkyun. I’m in love with you. All I think about is you.” Hoseok says, saving his love.

Changkyun bites down a smile, relieved and embarrassed at the same time.

“Yeah… you really make it obvious.” The younger teases.

Hoseok doesn’t know how to respond. It just hit him that he had confessed to Changkyun. What surprises him more is that Changkyun had confessed to him first.

“Y-you like me too huh?”

“With my whole heart.” Changkyun smiles, a sight that Hoseok would like to capture and look at forever.

* * *

Hoseok and Changkyun reunite with their friends on their way to the restaurant.

The first person to look into Hoseok’s eyes is Hyungwon. His eyes are kind.

Hoseok lets Changkyun walk ahead.

Without having to say anything, both Hoseok and Hyungwon know that there’s something that needs to be addressed.

Hoseok’s uneasy gaze tells Hyungwon that he needs to go up to him.

The drag of Hyungwon’s shoes on the asphalt makes Hoseok nervous.

“Hey.” Hyungwon says.

“H-hey.”

Hyungwon’s eyes are on the ground and Hoseok can’t guess what he’s thinking.

“Hyungwon… I like Changkyun too… If that’s okay.”

Hyungwon meets Hoseok’s eyes again and he chuckles.

“‘If that’s okay?’ Of course it’s okay, hyung.” Hyungwon says as he hits Hoseok’s arm jokingly.

“… Thank you, Hyungwon. If there’s anything that you want to say to me or if there’s anything that I could do for you, you can tell me now.”

Hyungwon smiles and shrugs.

“Just make him happy I guess. Love him like I know you could. And let him love you too.”

Hoseok nods.

“I understand.”

“… But uh, don’t rub it in my face for a couple of days maybe? Don’t be gross in front of me… or any of us. Keep your lovey dovey moments to yourselves, you know?” Hyungwon grimaces comically and then chuckles.

A part of Hoseok is unsure whether he’s actually joking or not but he takes note anyways.

“Got it.” Hoseok laughs along.

Hyungwon stares at his shoes.

“And don’t be awkward with me. Just keep being my friend, okay?”

“Of course, Wonnie.”

Hyungwon and Hoseok walk into the restaurant with a smile.

Lunch is as usual and Hoseok’s shoulders feel lighter.

Changkyun’s laughter is still his favourite sound.

Looking at Hyungwon doesn’t make him feel guilty anymore.

Right after lunch, Changkyun comes up with an excuse to spend more time with Hoseok.

Changkyun’s hand finds Hoseok’s so easily. Like their palms were two consecutive pages in a book. Like their fingers were meant to lace each other so intimately.

Just a few seconds after leaving their group of friends, they begin to run to god knows where.

The adrenaline rush simply leads them to wherever their hearts beat the loudest.

Hoseok can’t stop looking at Changkyun.

The street shops are painted in every colour that they could name.

The people around them smile at their energies.

Holding Changkyun’s hand like this feels so surreal.

They pass more shops, cafes, churches, arcades and hotels.

A flower field presents itself in front of the lovebirds. It is breathtaking.

Changkyun looks into Hoseok’s eyes. Their palms are sweaty.

The younger leads the way and the flowers seem to welcome them. All yellow and glorious.

Hoseok loves the hurried sound of their footsteps and how their heavy breaths synchronise as they run through the flower field.

The grass feels itchy on Changkyun's legs but he doesn’t mind because his body is itching to do something to the man beside him.

“What are we doing?” Hoseok asks.

“I don’t know. Hiding?”

“Why are we hiding?”

“Because we don’t want to be seen?”

“Why do we not want to be seen?”

“Because we wanna do things?”

“Things?”

Changkyun stops dragging Hoseok through the field and turns back to face the older.

“Do you… want to do things?”

Hoseok steps closer to the younger.

“I want to do things… with you.”

Changkyun nods.

No one can see them right now.

Hoseok swears he can hear Changkyun’s heart beating.

“Can I kiss you?” Hoseok asks.

Changkyun is definitely prettier than the flowers around them.

“Of course.” Changkyun answers as if it’s the easiest question in the world.

Without any second thought, Hoseok presses his lips to Changkyun’s.

For a moment, time actually stops and Hoseok can only feel Changkyun.

Changkyun’s lips on his own.

Changkyun clumsily stepping on his foot.

Changkyun’s hands behind his neck.

Changkyun’s fringe brushing against his forehead.

Changkyun’s waist in his hands.

After familiarising himself with the addicting feeling of Changkyun lips against his own and indulging in the pleasant sounds that the younger makes, Hoseok retreats and presses their foreheads together.

Changkyun looks so beautiful right now, his eyes half closed and his eyelashes soft against his cheeks. His lips looking like the most valuable rubies.

Hoseok kisses his brow bone. Then his nose. Then his cheeks. He takes one of Changkyun’s hands and plants shy kisses on his palm and on every fingertip.

Changkyun brushes his fingers like they’re feathers on Hoseok’s parted lips. Hoseok smirks.

Things happen and Changkyun’s hands are all over Hoseok’s body. And Hoseok’s lips are all over Changkyun’s body.

The sky is too blue for its own good.

They wish they were the clouds.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh so this was a bit experimental... i wanted to try a different style of writing and this was supposed to be a multi chap fic but it ended up as a one shot bcs i suck at writing multi chaps lmao!! But it's okay, i'll try again next time (and hopefully improve my writing too)! Anyways, do leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed reading this, i would love to know what you think about this story too ^^
> 
> Thank you for reading. Be kind to one another and stay safe : )


End file.
